I have this problem where I am always feeling judged by others about my parenting.  I know that this is mostly perception combined with my insecurities, but I can’t help but feel that there is a little nugget of truth to it.

When I am out and about with my brood, there are always random stares and comments made about:

1) my breeding decisions

2) my ability to handle my children

or

3) my children’s behavior in general.

While I know that most people are just trying to make conversation or adding their kindly two cents in, it has really given me a complex.  Even in my safe haven of the mommies I normally surround myself with, I truly believe that there is an unspoken idea that I am not handling my brood that well,  a unproven truth that really upsets me.

Again, I know that this is likely in my head, but it prevents me from embracing my own accomplishments as a parent.  When I am home, I feel like I am doing a pretty decent job raising my children.  Sure, there’s some sassiness and bossiness going on, but who’s house doesn’t have that?  For the most part my kids are happy, healthy, well behaved and smart…until we’re in public.

When we are out in public, I start out well, but soon lose confidence, often internalizing what I think other people might be seeing.

Oooh, look how her kids run across the parking lot! Oh, my, look at her try to carry all those kids! What is she thinking! Maybe if she didn’t have so many she’d have more control…my inner critical monologue drones.

As I run through all these self judgments, I start getting stressed and short with the kids, trying to control them to calm myself—a scenario that often causes all hell to break loose.

The problem is that I don’t know how to end my perception of judging or curb my caring of real judgment.  I tell myself that it doesn’t matter—that what matters is what I and people close to me know, but I can’t seem to let it go.

It bothers me to think that people don’t think that I’m raising my children well.  It bothers me to know that there could likely be outrage at the very real possibility that another baby will be added to the mix.  It annoys me to no end that people comment without really knowing what my life is like.

So, what do I do?  I’ve been putting a lot of thought into starting over socially, simply moving on to a new set of classes, etc where nobody knows me, but that feels like copping out.  I’ve also thought of thinking of snappy comebacks for the ridiculous things that are actually said to me, but that seems petty.

What I’ve instead tried to do is take a positive approach to life.  I’m happy.  I love my kids, my kids know their loved, to hell with everyone else!

If only it were that easy.