I made a stupid mistake today.  Since this is somewhat of a rarity for me, I didn’t know quite how to fix it, so I fell back on my old reliable solution: ignore it completely. 

 
I have this theory that if I say something stupid, if I don’t bring attention to it by correcting it, it is as if it magically never happened. Unfortunately this theory is only true in my “happy land” where fairy dust is frequently sprinkled on me and I am a clever, articluate speaker, but not in real life.
                                                                 

So, today, when having a much needed play date with a friend that has listened to me babble, complain, rant and rave constantly about the injustice of my world and the constant judging I feel, I became an offender.

When discussing an issue with her daughter that has caused my friend much grief over the years, I decided that the most eloquent way for me to convey my sympathy and understanding of the difficulties she faces was to let out this doozy:

ME:  Gosh, that must be hard.  If I were in your position I’d hang myself.

HER: (confused silence, a look of processing stupid comment, polite laugh)

ME: mortified, waiting for fairy dust to be sprinkled…waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.

Painfully dumb, I know.

Along with my stunning verbal ability, I have also been blessed with a tad of a compulsive streak and have been thinking it over for a while.  Ok, constantly for the last 5 hours.

So, instead of drafting my normal email apologizing for my stupid mouth, I’m taking it further.  I’m using this opportunity to forgive all the stupid comments I have heard in the past year because surely they must be suffering from my same disability.

Mom who told me you’d jump off a roof if you were me?  No offense taken.

Random shoppers who’ve told me to get my tubes tied?  Thank you for caring.

Old Ladies that have implied that my children all have different fathers? Thank you for the complement…I didn’t realize how attractive I am!

And to everyone else who I have railed against in this last span of time, my sincere apologies and may the good fairies come sprinkle some dust on you so you too can stop saying ridiculously inappropriate things.